"Not tonight," she said as she turned her back on him. "I have a headache."
How many times have you been a participant in this scene? More times than is necessary probably! This is the most overused excuse to prevent intimacy in this world. It is so overused it has become a joke.
I'll say this only once but I mean it from my heart--"I have a headache" is NOT a valid excuse for refusing love making.
Now I know all the ladies are going to jump all over me, but it is true. I personally suffer from migraines, have had them most of my life, and the very best remedy I have found is to make love to my gentle, compassionate Shining Knight. He makes certain I reach the pinnacle of passion and fall into the pool of release, all of which relieves the stress and relaxes me completely.
In my experience, except for those stemming from a head injury or a deep clinical problem, most headaches are caused either directly or indirectly by stress. A headache that is the result of stress caused by work, a bad day, the kids fighting, the housework not getting done, your mother-in-law visited, frustration, whatever, can be alleviated by the relaxation and stress relieving ability of good love making.
Now notice I said GOOD love making. I'm not talking about the "quickie" that is also the cause of many jokes. I'm talking about the pleasuring and being pleasured by the one person who knows you very well--your lover, your spouse, your mate, your other half.
Don't let the world outside, or the kid's problems, or anyone else's opinion come between you and this soul-mate of yours. Also don't use lovemaking or the refusal of it as a punishment for real or imagined wrongs. Talk these over first, but don't refuse intimacy because of it.
Now guys it's your turn. When she says she has a headache, don't get mad or become upset - it will only increase her stress level and make her headache worse.
Put on some very soft, soothing music, take the phone off the hook, light a jasmine or chamomile candle and offer to massage her temples or give her a back or neck rub. Speak gently to her, tell her how beautiful you think she is, how she makes you feel, how much you love her, how much she means to you. Kisses on the brow, temples, eyelids, neck, back, wherever you are massaging are also very relaxing to her. Don't force the issue, But chances are very good, she will come around on her own and want to make love, her headache all but forgotten in a romantic, sensual haze created by sound, touch and scent.
But if this doesn't happen, again, don't force the issue. You are building trust here. She just might need to know that you would be willing to do these things just for her, without the sexual fulfillment at the end.
